Happy Friday everyone! Love is in the air this weekend; and in the back of a pickup; and in the bushes; and… I’ll just stop there. Sorry, that was weird. What I meant to say was: Happy Valentine’s Day—make sure to show the love of your life (surfing) some affection this weekend. Anywho, it’s been an interesting couple of weeks to say the least. In the beginning of January California saw 6 weeks of mind-altering, I-cant-believe-it’s-still-this-good swell. And then more swell. I surfed for an entire month straight, and was starting to rethink any petty statement that I ever uttered concerning the routinely sunny Southern California coast. Instead of enjoying every millisecond of the never-ending lines of northwest Pacific juice; I had some fatal thoughts. Will I ever have a productive day again? I had been starting work whenever the wind kicked on (usually in the afternoon when my muscles and mind idled into a state of cozy, naptime drowsiness) and studied procrastination techniques instead of my textbooks. This is what surfers live for—waves, and fuck the rest. Anyways, like thoughts can do, I sent negative energy (with missile-like precision) into the ocean. It’s been flat for weeks now. Like FLAT. Like the-Atlantic-ocean-flat (no offence, I am an East Coaster ’til I die). So this morning, out of pure desperation, I put on my 4/3, chugged my Nescafe and creamer, put my board in the bed of my truck, drove to the beach with dizzying anticipation, and BOOM—it was doing its best imitation of the Bolivian salt flats. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
This begs the question that every rabid surf enthusiast is asking: what should I do when the waves have flatlined. Well, I probably can’t answer for the masses, but I can make suggestions for a barney such as myself who’s life was one big, waveless flat spell before surfing, and for anyone else who’d like to listen. So in honor of always doing surf related activities, I have compiled a list of 5 possible solutions to making a flat spell a little less tormenting.
- It’s Valentine’s Day weekend, and for once, I am glad it’s flat. It’s SUPER difficult to explain to a non-surfer what goes on between the ears of a frothing, one-track minded surfaholic (don’t worry I’m here for you), so it can be very frustrating for your life partner. Thus, when the waves aren’t working, work on breathing through that pent up surf anxiety, and direct your mind’s attention to those that you love. Although you should always be doing this, now is a great time to practice! This weekend I will spoil my girlfriend without feeling like I “missed it,” and YOU can do the same. Just pay attention to loved ones, it’s simple!
- As I always say: I am a kook, but a kook who puts 100 percent focus and energy into my kookiness. I could talk surf for hours; watch surf for hours; surf for hours, and never get tired of it. It is a true passion. That brings me to number two on the list: kook out on a board. Go to Home Depot, buy some insulation foam, and start sanding and hacking away. Then drive over to the nearest West Marine, purchase some epoxy, and glass your lopsided piece of foam (you’ll also need fiberglass, and other material—check out board building forums). So fun—I promise! If building seems daunting, grab a copy of The Ding Repair Scriptures, and go to town on a board that has been on the “injured list” for the past couple of weeks. Also, artwork and drawing on the deck is always fun (only you have to like the way it looks). Just do something board related when you’re bored!
Kooking on a board for my Valentine
- While many have been surfing since childhood, for me, that’s definitely not the case. So when waves go dormant, and life seems dull, and it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, just think: what did I do when I was bored before I knew about surfing? I mean, I had 21 great years before gliding on salty H2O; there must be some worthwhile activities that I can do that I had liked in my previous life. Well there’s your answer—not very complex, and kind of a cop out for the number three spot. Just do SOMETHING else. Anything.
Monopoly could be an tempting option
- Plan your next post-covid surf trip. As vaccines start to combat the pandemic, surfers everywhere are fantasizing of far-off lands with isolated, spinning, deeply blue, dimension-shifting, third eye-awakening barrels. Some communities around the world that are located near surf destinations can certainly use the economic boost. Just plan a surf trip with some buddies (and maybe bring your valentine along)!
- Well, to go on a surf trip there is one very important item that you will need. “What is it Barn? I have surfboards (wetsuits if needed), fins, leashes, everything; lets just go on the damn surf trip!” This brings us to number five (and probably the most boring activity on here): work (MONEY)! Whether you’re fixing pipes underneath a sink, selling furniture at Bob’s, or sitting in a cubicle counting down the hours, make sure you’re at work when it’s flat. Just go to work, and a surf trip awaits!
I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know if there is a topic that you would like for me to touch on next. The barn lives to rap another tale, SHAKA!!!
– The Blogging Barney
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this post and the rest of the site is also very good. Clem Vernon Beare
Merely wanna tell that this is handy, Thanks for taking your time to write this. Carita Thaine Eldredge
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