Good Morning, good afternoon, and goodnight!! I’ve recently found a feature on WordPress (the platform I post on) that allows me to see viewer stats. I won’t share with you exact numbers, and graphs (boring), but I will say I was humbled and teary-eyed to find out that my viewers tap in from all over the world—hence the opening line.
Today’s quick excerpt of why I’m also a land-barney: I began writing, “The Best Surfboard Buying Guide on the Internet!” and realized today was Thursday (I wrote this yesterday). I started thinking about what Thursdays mean: it’s almost the weekend, I have to write my weekly post, probably try to find an empty wave somewhere, and… OH SHIT, MY CAR!! I saw the street sweeper and his gang of hooligan ticketers approaching 12th street (where my Ford was parked). I immediately threw myself out of my chair, banged my right knee on the leg of the table, and then tripped over the computer cord. As I laid on the ground almost defeated, my will to keep going was motivated by my deep-seated hatred for parking tickets. I brushed myself off, and sprinted to the truck with birds nesting in my hair, no shirt, and Old Navy Christmas pajamas. With my arms waving, and my voice screeching like a wounded pig, the parking gestapo saw me coming from a mile away, and decided to show mercy. THANK THE HEAVENS (my part time jobs, and surfing/writing addictions have trouble funding my bad parking habits).
Anyways, I wanted to quickly write about choosing surfboards—the shape-shifting, divine creator of our fun, and exercise in the ocean—without them we’d just be swimmers. However, with a world library of surfboards, all different shapes and sizes, built from 10,000 different shapers, buying a board can be overwhelming. I’m here to warn you not to impulse purchase surfboards like me (I make this mistake almost every time).
Within a short bike ride of my apartment there is a surf shop called Inflight. Let me walk you through a daydream: when you step into the building, you step right into California in the 80’s—the epicenter of surf culture. It is a small, family-owned shop with vibrant colors and an alluring ambiance. As you walk up the stairs to the board room, there are some historic pictures of pumping Seal Beach that will begin to turn your blood into liquid stoke (the board selling process starts at the retro orange “surfboards” sign over the front door). Then, as you reach the top of the old wooden staircase and step onto the carpeted floor, the owner will greet you, bare-footed, and happy to help. At this point you’re practically begging him to sell you on a board. Within minutes you’re spending more than intended, buying new fins, a tail pad, and wax. THAT WAS QUICK. Although, I totally condone buying a board here, and think every surfer in the area should have one; sloooooooow down. But barn, this board looks beautiful (you picture Mason Ho in a tube, but its your face where his should be). Drool splashes down onto the pristinely white deck of the new board, and ricochets onto the owner’s leg (oops); you’re ready to buy! Hold your horses, if you haven’t answered YES to the following questions (we’re getting to the questions), put it down and take your time. The vast majority of us don’t have throw-away money, and if we do, then maybe we don’t have throw-away time (to surf). Thus, choosing a board is a calculated, strike mission that needs Navy Seal-esque preparation. I am going to ask you some questions that hopefully won’t leave you guessin’.
- Have you done research on surfboards: different shapes, styles, fin set-ups, shapers, etc.? There are thousands of different types of boards and shapes, with thousands of different sculptors expressing their perspective on what a surfboard should be—it’s truly an art. Luckily I know a walking, talking encyclopedia of surfing who helps me explore these options— the shaper at Ideal Surfboards! Check out his Instagram below, and a board he shaped for me. If you don’t have a buddy like that (you should get one), local surf shops and the internet should work just fine.
A pack of IDEAL frothers-my first custom in the center!!
- Have you thought about your budget? A surfboard can be costly (rightfully so), so budget accordingly. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I definitely don’t have throw-away money (think about the embarrassment I endured so I wouldn’t get a parking ticket). So when I choose a board (excluding times at Inflight when I go blind with froth), I decide to go used, or make sure the board is a perfect fit that will last a long time.
- Have you truly, and sincerely acknowledged your skill level? This is so important. Are you a beginner-beginner, or surfed-a-handful-of-times beginner? Are you an intermediate, or a cutback-Kyle intermediate? Are you advanced, or Tommy-tube hound advanced, are you pro, or Kelly Slater? These are serious questions, and be honest.
- Have you thought about which types of waves you ride most of the time? Waves are different from peak to peak (obviously barn). The list is infinite: sand bottoms, rocky-reefs, coral reefs, points, slabs, wind-chop, wave pools (someone should do a research paper on this). It’s an undeniable mistake to buy a board for machine-like, glassy peaks in the Maldives if you surf sand bottom, Southern California 3 footers on the daily.
- What do you want to achieve with your surfing? This question relates to your level, and what you’re looking for in a surf sesh. You, and only YOU, can answer this question. Surf cinema can distort reality, and make airs seem attainable when maybe it’s just a nice, smoothly executed bottom turn that will spawn a jaw aching smile for the rest of the day.
Yikes, I didn’t really answer anything did I? Surfing for a pro, or for a barn (me) is ridiculously personal. These are some open ended questions to get the gears turning, and to create awareness of the symbiotic relationship between a board and surfer. (If a surfer doesn’t like a board, then it won’t be surfed, therefore, the board and surfer are unhappy.) It’s up to you to answer these questions, not board builders; their job is to make suggestions based on your answers to these questions. So there you have it, the best way to choose a board; no, the most certain way to choose a board is to talk it out with a shaper. If you’re in the area, definitely go talk with the folks at Inflight (freakin’ love that place), find the perfect shromp-mobile, and try not to walk out with a $900 board that makes it harder to surf.
Before reading this post 
After reading this post
-Barney Beadette