Hello and thanks for checkin’ in with Mr. Beadette today; I am excited as I have a couple of projects in the works that will be rolled out in the next few weeks or so.. Be prepared to become enchanted (even more so, if that’s even possible) by the magical world of oceanic shred-slopes—we’re going to learn and grow as a unit so that we can make the lineup better (too serious?) Here is what you can expect, and hold me to it: shaper suggested surfboards, stretches and workouts (no more near-death hamstring cramps during wipeouts), and relatable convos’ with frothed-out newcomers that are attempting to climb the core ladder.
Well, I just reeled you in as a reader and related to your novice behavior—I hope to empower YOU to grab a stoke-sled, and sprint to the water like a severely dehydrated desert wanderer. However, as much as that is my goal, like I always say, I also aim to help you learn from my barn-brained mistakes. (Barns, take a breather; I’m going to quickly talk to my more advanced readers.) The paragraphs to come are going to make you, “the core surfer,” roll your eyes, and let out a spouse-startling “Pfffffff, come on dude” from the couch, and exit out of this tab. DUDE! Yea, I’m talking to you, put that cursor back down! What can help a community is feedback, so keep reading and comment because it will only make your surfing experience better—would it be better to have a relaxed sesh, or to go full-on Ebenezer in the lineup?
Anyways (now I’m talking to my entire audience), what is more dangerous than taking off late, getting pitched with the lip and slamming the bottom with your noggin? Probably a surfboard to the noggin! Some of my buddies who are reading this can attest—and they have the forehead scars to prove it. Sometimes accidents happen; they can happen with our own boards—leashes are amazing and they keep our boards close to us (that’s their job), but that can sometimes be harmful. (Disregard if you have a hard-hat for a head; in those cases, show mercy on the surfboard—poor shred-stick!) However, these are risks we sign up for when we paddle out. What we don’t sign up for (and correct me if I am wrong) is getting speared by another person’s board. OUCH!!
I know, I know, I just went off about how much I love Saturdays in my last post, but Saturday surfing has sometimes terrified me; almost rivaling juice-powered swells that push my breath holding comfort limits. Why is that, Barn? Well, have you played Frogger? Or have you seen the movie, Dodgeball? “Dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge!” That is the skill set that surfers sometimes need while surfing a crowded break on a Saturday. Paddling out to the break is similar to medieval troops storming a castle; or picture William Wallace conjuring his famous shriek: “freeeeeedom,” while charging through a full-on-hectic battlefield. All of those stray arrows, and swinging swords and axes evoke the same feelings as flying, unoccupied surfboards will.
Why does this happen? From letting go of the surfboard! The most essential skill for a new surfer (forget about riding waves), is the duck dive. Perfecting this maneuver will help you get out the back faster, and keep surfboards safe from all you hard-headed surfers.
What happens if I don’t duck dive? Well, if you have bear-like strength, you will probably just receive a whitewater beating while getting dragged around by your surfboard (hold on, it’s a wild ride!). But opting out of the bear hug usually means ditching the board. This is the turning point where surfboards become heavy artillery!
So, how can I learn to duck dive? (I’m sure most of you know how— the blood is beginning to boil inside “the core surfer”!) But for those who don’t know, it’s better to hear it in this setting rather than hearing it from an irate, babbling, grown man wearing rubbery tights. So, to be like the duck you have to go under with your board. Learn when it’s small; learn in a lake; or jump your neighbor’s fence, and learn in their pool (just make sure it’s not the irate, grown man from the lineup’s house, and be sure to invite me; I’ll bring some Marg mix). I won’t go into the technical “how”—YouTube should work just fine—there are so many legitimate coaches!
What if a wave is too heavy, mean, cruel, large and evil to duck dive? Baby steps! It’s possible you shouldn’t be out there if you can’t duck dive the wave. If I start bailing my board, I know I’m probably surfing a wave that is a bit over my Barn-level. Unless it’s super, bone-shatteringly heavy, we shouldn’t be bailing our boards (especially on the battlefield. . . I mean on Saturdays).
“Brooooooos!” 
“That dude knows the way of the duck!”
Duck diving is so fundamental that it’s almost cringey to talk about. I have no shame; I just want Saturday surfs to parallel the overall Saturday vibe. To do that there has to be some knowledge dropped; I encourage the beginner-beginners to look up tutorials, and try in uncrowded waves, the barns through to the mediocre soul surfers (me) to keep refining their ducks, and “the core surfer” to give us helpful tips without vomiting profanity on us (maybe you guys could improve too, who knows). ‘
Please like this post if you feel so inclined, and comment bellow; this is how the lineup will get better I hope. Feel free to hit me up on insta or by email, I love that feedback. Shakaaa ducks!!!!!
-Barney Beadette